​FLUMMOXED describes how I felt when the Colson Center’s Strong Women podcast asked me for an interview.

“Judy Squier a strong woman?” I thought. Didn’t Sarah Stonestreet and Erin Kunkle know I’m a Much-Afraid? and my strength comes from God alone?

Maybe you, like I, have wondered if it’s time to sit life out. Permanently or temporarily. Possibly you feel like you’ve lost your spark? Or your sparkle? Aging can do it. Loss can do it. Exhaustion can do it. 

At age seventy-seven plus, I’d begun thinking, “I’m nearing journey’s end. I’ve lost my spark. And sparkle. Despite more than six decades of public speaking, could it be time to hand over the beloved microphone to the next generation?”

Enter my front door at Goose Landing—Rousseaux Brassier, the Children’s  Ministry Pastor at Story Ashland Church. Rouss, the fire-cracker creator of a Vacation Bible School (VBS) curriculum called The Quester. 
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“Did I hear you correctly, Rouss?” I queried. “You want me, Granny Goose, to team teach your church’s VBS?”

Despite my trepidation, the answer YES jumped out of my mouth. Even before I knew what I signed up for. We’d be co-teaching a 45-minute lesson FOUR times each morning. Unscripted. Unrehearsed. Back-to-back sessions with no naps in between.

Holy Spirit directed (though it felt like we were shooting from the hip),  we tackled a different topic each day:

• Day 1: Who am I?
• Day 2: Where did I come from?
• Day 3: Why am I here?
• Day 4: Is there a right and wrong?
• Day 5: What’s my destiny?

Were we really going to teach apologetics to children ages five through twelve?
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I’d ruminated on such questions my whole life,  but could I keep pace with this thirty-year-old Energizer Bunny? I nicknamed us Goose and Rouss, thinking of us along the lines of a modern-day tortoise and hare.

With Christ’s resurrection power, this old goose shared Bible truths and life stories four times each morning without a nap. ​

The five days ended with Rousseaux’s truth-filled songs megaphoning in our ears and hearts, PLUS Granny Goose came home with what hubby David would have called true realities. These I pass on to any who fear the time has come to be benched!​

1. Step out (wheel out) by faith no matter how ‘used up’ you may feel.   
2. Don’t underestimate God’s capacity to pump His power into and through you.
3. In fact, know God’s Beloveds never get benched. Christ-in-you has someone else to reach. Not even dementia nor a coma can cancel His ability to use you to usher another into His kingdom.  

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If you'd like to learn more about Rousseaux and his Quester endeavor, you can watch the video below:

I’m excited! My fourth book IS FINISHED! And available on Amazon. The Shepherd Showed Up! tells of the Squier Family’s journey into and through death’s inevitable valley. It portrays David and Judy’s love story ‘until death do us part.’ Not a sad book at all since our whole family believes our patriarch is more alive now than ever before. May you, too, be encouraged by the hope of heaven and life after death. Even for those of us left behind! Onward and upward we go. https://amzn.to/3LNOO4n

This photo is David and Judy holding fifty balloons commemorating our golden wedding anniversary (that he missed by two months). The truth is I wailed on June 8, 2018. The day of his memorial service. The same day as our long-awaited golden. “Lord, fifty years ago my groom was waiting for me at the altar. And he’s gone!” God’s instant response parked hope alongside my grief: “Judy, your groom is waiting for you at the throne of the King of Kings!”

During David’s illness the Lord told Author Judy to take good notes for an upcoming book: How Our Family Survived the Valley of the Shadow of Death: The Shepherd Showed Up! I’ve taken copious notes and have written twelve out of the twenty-five chapters. Also, in the works: His Majesty in Brokenness has been recorded by Antoinette Gaines, a professional narrator, and we’re currently awaiting the green light to make it available to Audible’s listening audience.

And yes, the Good Shepherd continues to show up in my new life as a widow. Needless to say my learning curve has been steep, regarding finances, property maintenance, grief recovery. Living again! For This I Have Jesus! has become my hourly theme song. I’ve, also, been singing the song as the Corona-virus pandemic has snarfed out life as we knew it. I expect you’ll agree – 2020 has been a bear of a year! And yet let us not forget: FOR THIS WE HAVE JESUS!!!
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Hold fast to the Shepherd of Psalm 23. He’s got a strong grip on each one of us. And He won’t let go!

My goal was for each of the 150 women attending the conference to be able to look in the mirror and say, “I AM BEAUTIFUL.”My traveling companion and I practiced. Neither of us could move beyond, “I’m ugly.” (And that was after we’d gotten all of our make-up on.)

I asked one of the conference attendees how she faired with the assignment. She was pleased to tell me she was comfortable looking in the mirror and saying, “You are beautiful.”

But when I asked her if she could say, “I am beautiful.” She cringed and wasn’t sure.
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Come to find out, we aren’t alone. Michele Cushatt in her 9/30/15 blog reports that ninety six percent of women globally would not describe themselves as beautiful. Even women who know they are made in the image of God. (http://michelecushatt.com/hello-beauty-full/)

Actually, Leslie was the only one I spoke to, who qualified for the other four percent. I crowned her the Winner for the Weekend as she unreservedly and jubilantly announced to me individually and later on from the stage, “I am beautiful!”

Oh, Beautiful Leslie, your Downs syndrome has set you free. Please pray for the rest of us who have succumbed to this world’s captivity.

Believing Ephesians 1:11a is key in changing our focus from our brokenness to our beauty. Each woman was given one of these bookmarks and invited to tape it to her mirror and to fill in her name and the date when she was able to see herself as a Gift to God.
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My transparency gave the women permission to be real. A guiding principle as I write and give speeches is: “A group’s depth of sharing is set by the first person to speak. Deep sharing (and healing) happens when the first to speak is vulnerable, honest and real.”

No one misses my very visible brokenness, but what about my invisible broken places? As usual I talked openly about my less obvious emotional and spiritual areas of weakness. My stubborn, strong will. Yes, I have unbelief. My middle name is Much Afraid. And, yes, I’ve been known to be a hothead – just ask my husband, David.

Masks came off as I told tales of hysteria regarding my three mission trips to the physically challenging Romania. And it’s true I shook a fist or two at the Lord when my wheelchair was lost somewhere during international flights. Does no good deed go unpunished? Having delivered 150 wheelchairs so that Romanians wouldn’t have to crawl, guess who crawled that first night home?

My goose- bumper for the weekend was the gal who opened her spankin’ new Bible asking me to trace my three pronged left hand inside the front cover. Set free was I, by this young woman’s ability to see beauty in my brokenness. A beauty this old world knows nothing of!

To my speaker friends I just have to ask: How many of you have found yourselves eating humble pie in front of your audience? It was my first time and I pray my last as suddenly I realized. Yes, I was steering the women in the wrong direction – Lucifer’s direction – with my assignment to “Look in the mirror and say, ‘I am beautiful.’” Wasn’t Lucifer so enamored by his beauty that his eyes were fixed on himself instead of the Most High God? (Ezekiel 28:12, 17)

As the retreat was ending, I observed that after four one hour talks, we were still no more comfortable saying “I am Beautiful” than when we started. Then the light bulb went on. Did it help to precede ‘I am beautiful’ with the phrase ‘in Christ?’ Yes, adding two words made all the difference in the world.
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‘In Christ I am beautiful’ proved to be the ticket. But, of course! That’s it. As Christians, indwelt by the living God, our source of beauty is His beauty. He, and no one else, can transform our broken to beautiful and set us free.

Here I sit, afraid to open my eyes and behold my treasures in bins on shelves in three different storage units. Imagine all the calories David burned creating this organizational wonder, then lugging every box and bin to its temporary home.
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This next photo donned the cover of our 2015 Christmas card.

Here we sit savoring our park-like front yard in Grants Pass, Oregon.
Could it be we will bid Sheep’s Rest farewell in 2016?
Will we move to the house next door to daughter Elizabeth and her hubby and our four grands in Central Point, Oregon?

God knows, but David and Judy gaze out onto the vast unknown asking
“Lord, what do You have planned?”
Will our beloved house sell?
And will we begin a new real estate chapter
next door to four grands and their twenty eight chickens?
We know not what the future holds –

Busily we work toward the relocation goal –
minimizing, packing
staging our home, then putting it on the market.

And as we work and as we wonder, we are assured of a good outcome because
We know Who holds the future.

God’s got it all figured out. He has scheduled each day of our lives.
Plus He’s the supplier of the energy needed to reach the goal ahead of us.
And the topper: He already has the new house in escrow with the contingency
that we sell our present home.

As we work, as we wonder, as we await His outcome, we’re clinging to Jeremiah 29:11.
May this promise steady any quaking knees – yours as well as ours, as we venture into
God’s gift of another year.

“I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord,
“plans to prosper you, not to harm you – with a future
and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

A favorite poem of Elisabeth Elliot’s stopped me in my tracks last week. It’s like I could hear her speaking to me from the hallowed grandstands of GLORY. (In case you didn’t know, Elisabeth passed through her own Gates of Splendor on June 15, 2015.)

Do The Next Thing

From an old English parsonage,
Down by the sea,
There came in the twilight,
A message to me;
Its quaint Saxon legend,
Deeply engraven,
Hath, as it seems to me,
Teaching from Heaven.
And on through the hours
The quiet words ring
Like a low inspiration-
DO THE NEXT THING
Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment,
Let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity,
Guidance, are given.
Fear not tomorrows,
Child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus,
DO THE NEXT THING
Do it immediately;
Do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence,
Tracing His Hand,
Who placed it before thee with
Earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence,
Safe ‘neath His wing,
Leave all resultings,
DO THE NEXT THING
Looking to Jesus, ever serener,
(Working or suffering)
Be thy demeanor,
In His dear presence,
The rest of His calm,
The light of His countenance
Be thy psalm,
Strong in His faithfulness,
Praise and sing,
Then, as He beckons thee,
DO THE NEXT THING
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-Author Unknown

My artificial limbs still recall the sensation of cold feet as I gave my first speech at age thirteen. Dad scheduled it, knowing his daughter Judy would earn no trophies in sports. “But wait a minute,” he reasoned, “she has a mouth that works just fine.”

Being a public speaker has served me well as a published author. As I speak my stories, audiences want to hear more. “Read my books,” I say. And again and again I am told, “Judy, I hear you talking in your books!”

Writing has been an uphill climb for me; on the other hand I gladly accept invitations to speak. However, July 2015 provided this septuagenarian with the speaking challenge of my life. Speeches to write for three new speaking venues with five talks to deliver in 48 hours.

To whom do I say thanks for this stretch-me opportunity? To Jesus and Jannai Pero, who together arranged my best ever speaking tour.

​Jannai and I met in the San Francisco Bay Area twenty years ago when our children were in elementary and high schools. We’ve stayed in touch over the years. She and her husband John now live on Highway 49 in California’s Gold Country in a little town called Ahwahnee (near Oakhurst). David and I retired in Southern Oregon.

Since 2010, when His Majesty in Brokenness was published, Jannai has tried to land me an invitation to speak at Yosemite Lakes Community Church. Finally in the summer of 2014 she emailed me with the news that her pastor invited me to give the message at their two services in 2015. When could I come?

We all agreed on July 12, 2015 so I excitedly put two talks at her church on my calendar. I would soon learn that that was simply the beginning.

As we began making plans, Jannai informed me that she was a promoter. A new term to me – but now I know it means she would provide Nike running shoes for my speaking tour in Central California. Our early arrival was her green light for securing more speaking venues. Donned with her thinking cap, her praying knees and her network of business contacts, she finally was happy with the following schedule.

I smiled as I listened to Jannai’s introduction to my talks, which always went this way:

“I met Judy Squier 20 years ago during the hardest time in my life. My sister told me that my four children were going to be watched by a woman without legs. I didn’t know anything more about Judy but I cried because I knew God was in it. That evening I went home picked up the book I was reading Elisabeth Elliot’s book A Path Through Suffering. In Chapter 18, Perfectly Adapted, Elisabeth said this: My friend Judy Squier of Portola Valley, California, is one of the most cheerful, radiant women I know. I call it a total God Miracle to have crossed paths with Judy. I say she was born with no legs but she walks with Jesus. And her books all are a walk with Jesus.”

Five action-packed days with this promoter-extraordinaire convinced me she was a modern day Henny Penny. Instead of declaring, ‘The sky is falling,’ she bombarded her area with emails, text messages, voice mails and face to face announcements: “My friend, Judy Squier, born without legs is coming to town. You can choose from five venues to hear her.’

Jannai made sure the Sierra Star newspaper knew I was coming. How do I know? Reporter Brian Wilkinson e-mailed me requesting photos, followed by an article a week before my arrival. Reporter Morgan Voorhis was the first to arrive at my library talk, printing a second article the week after my visit.

Her article ‘Jesus and Judy’ to me provided a supreme compliment.

Jannai was not only the promoter extraordinaire, but she wow-ed the Squier’s with five days of heaven-on-earth hospitality and ultimate care for my every need:

• Jannai’s breakfasts, lunches and dinners catered to my gluten, dairy and egg allergies. I watched as she joyfully altered recipes, including the homemade desserts she provided for the intimate afternoon with Author Judy at the Oakhurst Library. Our fine dining highlight included scrumptious lettuces from the Pero’s high tower gardening apparatus on the deck outside the dining room window. (www.pero.towergarden.com)
• Jannai provided On Guard essential oil in a diffuser while I slept (to heal an alarmingly scratchy throat and hoarse voice) plus a sample bottle of Breathe to put on throat and chest before speaking to prevent coughing. A small vial of Doterra’s peppermint pearls landed in my speaker’s tool kit to take-as-needed right before a speech. (www.mydoterra.com/jannai)
• Plus Jannai became my personal make-up artist. Down on her knees, she beautified my eyes, and complexion, creating a ruby red smile for each speaking engagement. 

The crowning touch – above and beyond Jannai’s investment of time and energy promoting my speaking venues, hosting the Squier’s in her home, accompanying me to speaking engagement, was a one-of-a-kind gift of love. Jannai, who is completing a Master’s Degree in Sculpturing in Feb 2016, squeezed in a sculpture session creating a mold of my left hand. She dearly loves how our Redeemer God transformed my hand of shame into a testimony of His faithfulness and Glory. She and I agree that only He could make a three point sermon out of a three fingered hand.

1. Can’t do life without God;
2. Life is difficult;
3. Jesus shows up!

Thank you, entrepreneur and dear sister-in-Christ Jannai, for memories I will savor into eternity and thank You, Jesus, for the beauty only You can create out of the broken pieces and places of each of our lives.

The Teaching of Adversity
August 2